It’s sad that I have to feel weird about eating a banana at work. They are a healthy and protein-filled snack when paired with peanut butter. Please let me live without your disgusting comments.
I'm eating strawberries w/ whipped cream & my coworker says "Oh you into that kinda thing?" Then winks. Bitch it's a snack & im calling HR
— chrissy. (@colormechris) December 19, 2017
Please, you queens of self-control that don’t eat their lunch 30 minutes after they get work, tell me your secret.
I NEED TO KNOW WHY EVERYONE SAID I COULD SAVE MONEY BRINGIN LUNCH TO WORK ITS 9:43 I ATE THE LUNCH NOW I HAVE TO BUY ANOTHER LUNCH FOR LUNCH pic.twitter.com/hKd6p2AaiA
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) July 3, 2017
Sweet, sweet, vindication
I mean, sex is all right but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else's fault even though it really, really looked like it was yours?
— Catherynne Valente (@catvalente) May 31, 2018
Maybe one day, hundred of years from now, hieroglyphics experts will be able to decipher what I meant. But, for today, let’s just pretend it’s done.
Crossing something off your to-do list because you can't read your own handwriting and therefore can't figure out what it is you had to do is a power move
— Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) April 23, 2018
Does anyone else experience heart palpitations when it’s time to hit‘send’ on an email? Oh, just me? Alright, but one day you reckless quick email-senders will be humbled like this poor soul.
sent an email to the entire office staff that was supposed to say "got it" but instead it reads "go tit" so it's one of those days i guess
— Sammy Nickalls š§āļø (@sammynickalls) April 23, 2018
I feel you, Sandra. Haters be hatin. Sorry I got the promotion over you, Todd. I literally only performed twice as good as you this quarter.
I love Sandra Bullock movies that start with everyone hating her because she's a woman and good at her job
— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) May 14, 2018
Please...I bought into the trend, too....but it’s no longer 2012. “I mustache you a question” mugs no longer signal that we are quirky, fun people:/
Coffee mugs do a lot of heavy lifting when it comes to personality in the workplace
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 16, 2018
Once you start working over 40 hours a week, you’ve gotta just start appreciating the little things. Stepped on a crunchy leaf on the way to work? Got an extra chicken nugget at Chickfila during lunch? This is the stuff of dreams.
didn’t feel like i was in my late 20s until this morning when my coworker asked me if i did anything fun this weekend and i earnestly said “yes i replaced my electronic toothbrush head”
— keely flaherty (@keelyflaherty) June 4, 2018
Brb while I remove all the gross corporate male‘role models’ that have been exposed as abusers from my inspiration board! Note to self: maybe just don’t look up to any famous or successful men?
me: hey i kind of like this quote/piece of art from a mid-century male writer/artist. hope he didn’t murder his wife
— kimmy (@ka_waltz) April 12, 2018
wikipedia article: he simply LOVED murdering his wife. it’s fine though
me: oh okay
It really would kill men to actually listen to a woman in a meeting, wouldn’t it?
Guys, you could have avoided this mishap if just one woman had been consulted in the design process pic.twitter.com/FgTCz2UhfI
— Georgina Lee (@lee_georgina) April 15, 2018
Not a day passes in this office where the white male-ness of white males doesn’t astound me.
I put a pita in the toaster oven and my boss was like “what’s that? Smells kinda ethnic” it’s bread James
— whomst’veatlantavegas (@Namastaywoke) April 23, 2018
This is sadly the highest level of appreciation working moms will probably ever get.
— satan fan accou (@turbothot) April 9, 2017
No, I don’t need you to tell me how to use the company spreadsheet. I MADE IT, YOU NINCOMPOOP.
teach a man to fish and he’ll turn around and try to teach you to fish like he invented it and you’re an idiot
— dirt prince (@pants_leg) June 26, 2018
If Paramore got me through my teen angst, it’ll get me through this god-awful interview.
job interviewer: so it says here you have experience with business what business are you in?
— maeve ā (@bbiss666) April 18, 2018
me: i'm in the business of misery let's take it from the top she's got a body like an hour glass it's ticking like a clock
*staring off into distance* When will my benefits return from war?
*extremely beach boys voice* š¶ wouldn’t it be nice to have health insurance š¶
— Brittney Morgan šš (@brittneyplz) March 9, 2018
By Mitra Norowzi
