Some of InHerSight’s most frequently asked questions are about networking. As such, we have dozens of articles dedicated to the subject on our platform. I’d like to add one more, inspired by three recent InHerSight surveys:
Last week, we asked our audience to share their least successful networking strategy, and the dreaded cold outreach over LinkedIn—the least intimate of the bunch—was the top flop. The second most popular response? A solid 35 percent of respondents shared that they don’t actively network at all. Fair enough.
At the same time, we asked another group of users whether they talk to their friends about their careers. Only 30 percent said they sometimes do, the most popular response.
Lastly, we asked a third audience where they can be their most authentic selves. Fifty-six percent said with friends.
In my experience, all of these insights are linked, especially if you claim to hate networking.
As a professional, I’ve never enjoyed working a room, but I’ve always built strong friendships through work, and I’m lucky to lay claim to many meaningful long-term relationships. I would venture to guess that I talk to my friends about work upwards of three or four times a week.
When I moved to my current city, Durham, North Carolina, I started to realize why this is a superpower.
Durham, if you’ve never been here, is this hyper-engaged smaller city where everyone knows everyone and they’re all building or creating something amazing, especially in major subcultures, like the city’s burgeoning startup sector. Talking about “what you do” here is like talking about the weather (or more accurately, basketball), so if you attend local events, you almost always feel like you’re networking in some capacity.
This was admittedly really unconventional to me when I first started making connections, but being new in town, I wanted to be an active part of the community. So I made networking a New Year’s resolution—attending events, talking about work with strangers, and figuring out how to turn what felt like business talk into bestie talk.
That year, I learned something important: I already knew how to network—I just needed to do it in a way that worked for me. Surprise, surprise, the way that works for me just happens to be the way I build friendships and other relationships in my life.
Here’s what helped me:
6 ways to make networking work for you
Lead with authenticity
If you want to find people who match your energy, you have to be you, which can be scary on a friendship level, but even more so on a professional one. How can you be yourself in a networking environment? Be passionate. Be curious. Be open. One friend of mine, a journalist, makes playlists for his connections because he loves music; I love that he shares one of his favorite things from the off, and that the music exchange becomes an icebreaker to deepen the connection.
If something isn’t working, change it
I’m convinced that many people hate networking because they’re attempting it in ways that don’t align with their personality or preferences. For instance, I lose energy in traditional networking meet-and-greets, but I thrive in 1:1 conversations or while doing shared activities. So instead of chatting over a free drink ticket, I invite people for coffee or a walk. Easy swap.
Show up for people
We live in a busy and cancel-happy world, and there are so many valid excuses to prioritize yourself over everything else. With that said, one major detriment of consistently opting out is that people won’t feel connected to you. Showing up is a love language for friends and work connections alike. So show up when you can, as often as you can.
Accept that sometimes the connection isn’t that deep
This is tricky to say in writing, but just as you’re not going to be close friends with everyone, you’re also not going to network with everyone on the same level. That’s okay. Warmly support lighter connections from afar, like you would a friend of a friend who you wave to in a coffee shop.
Lean into connections that feel good
One common question is: how can I network without feeling gross? I generally advise people to trust this feeling. It takes time and depth to build relationships that feel good. So if you’re networking and it feels icky, dig deeper with the people you’re already drawn to. I have someone in my network who I chat with on the phone for about an hour and a half every six months—just catching up. Our yearslong relationship, although sporadic, is built on a commitment to depth over time. I would never feel gross asking her for anything work-related.
Trust yourself
The fact of the matter is you might already be networking without realizing it. I was. If you can make friends, you can network. If you can talk to your friends about work, you can network. Ultimately, networking isn’t about handing out business cards or forcing uncomfortable conversations. It’s about building relationships in a way that feels natural to you. Chances are, you’re already better at it than you think.
