An Ally’s Guide to Apologizing in the Workplace in 2024

Allyship is top of mind as we head into a new year and continue to champion diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) in the workplace. In order to truly foster inclusivity, members of majority groups in the workplace must actively support and advocate for marginalized groups.

“The goal of an ally should be to encourage, stand beside in solidarity, and offer emotional support to colleagues when they ask for help. Good allies do not question experiences or the emotions involved,” says Sara So, who cofounded The Ally League with Kesha Rodgers to offer action-focused workshops that give participants the resources they need to model inclusive behaviors and practice skills in a supportive environment. 

We’re all continuously learning about diversity-related concepts and terminology, which means we might make mistakes when referring to a group of people or pronouncing someone’s name or so on. It’s inevitably part of the process of becoming an ally. 

That being said, apologizing—and learning from the experience—is one of the main keys to being a good ally at work. The best leaders are ones who take initiative and are brave enough to talk about uncomfortable topics and who aren’t too proud to own up to their mistakes and grow from them. The good news is that anyone can be that kind of leader. Here, learn how to apologize properly for a variety of diversity-related mistakes in the workplace.

Read more: How to Handle Getting Called Out & Learn from the Mistake

Learn how to properly apologize for a mistake

Making a diversity-related mistake can be anxiety-inducing, frustrating, or embarrassing for everyone involved. When you know you made a mistake, take a moment to acknowledge what you did wrong and why it was wrong. Think carefully about how you should genuinely rectify the situation. 

If you’re called out for the mistake, you might need to take a second to reframe your reaction. Keep in mind whoever called you out isn’t aiming to attack your character, they’re intending to bring to light how your actions or words hurt someone else—whether it was intentional or not. Listen without interrupting or getting defensive. 

Certified diversity professional Marrietta Harrison says when someone is apologizing, “Taking accountability for the mistake is the first step. The person should verbally acknowledge that they are willing to learn about why the mistake was offensive and how they intend on changing their behavior moving forward.” 

DEI leader and certified executive coach Deborah S. Willis says it’s important to include five things in your apology: 

Now, here’s some more specific language you can use after making a diversity-related mistake.

Say this when you misgender someone

Misgendering is the act of referring to someone using words, pronouns, or gender-related terms that don’t align with their gender identity. It can be using incorrect pronouns (e.g., referring to a transgender woman as "he" instead of "she") or making an assumption about a person's gender that doesn't match their self-identified gender (e.g., assuming that a person with long hair or makeup must identify as a woman). As an ally, it’s important to validate everyone’s identity and sense of belonging at work. 

If you misgender someone, say something like this:

Read more: Allyship 101: What’s the Point of Pronouns in Email Signatures?

Say this when you speak over or interrupt someone

Interrupting someone at work—even if you’re simply passionate about a subject and sharing your perspective—is disrespectful and dismissive. Taking responsibility for your interrupting is a sign of self-awareness and taking accountability can improve workplace communication overall, ensuring everyone’s opinions are heard and valued. 

If you interrupt someone, try apologizing with language like:

Say this when you mispronounce someone’s name

Pronouncing someone’s name correctly can make them feel respected, valued, and seen. It’s especially important for marginalized employees who are already subjected to other microaggressions and forms of discrimination based on their identity. When you mispronounce someone’s name, it can make them feel like they don’t belong or their identity or culture doesn’t matter. 

In order to apologize, use language along these lines:

Read more: What Is Systemic Oppression? Definition, Examples & The Impact on Marginalized Groups

Say this when your joke or comment offends someone 

Humor is subjective, and what might be innocuous to one person could be offensive to another. However, there are topics that should never be joked about at work, including someone’s race, gender, physical appearance, family, religion, sexual orientation, disability, and culture. Making a joke at someone else’s expense is always off limits. Regardless of what you said or the intent of it, if someone is hurt or offended by a joke or comment you made, you should apologize.

Here’s what you can say:

Say this when you were silent after witnessing a microaggression

Microaggressions, discriminatory or insensitive comments or actions, are often committed subconsciously, stemming from implicit biases learned and internalized over time. For example, a racist microaggression might sound like, “Wow, you’re so articulate,” or “Is that your natural hair? Can I touch it?” Other times, this discriminatory behavior can be more intentional and overt. Because microaggressions are usually directed at marginalized employees, it’s incredibly important for allies to call out this unacceptable behavior. 

If you believe you witnessed a microaggression but remained silent at the time, apologize using language like this: 

Read more: How Microaggressions Affect Identity in the Workplace

Say this when you use non-inclusive language 

Using inclusive and gender-neutral language is a super simple first step to being an ally and fostering a sense of belonging for BIPOC, non-binary, LGBTQ+ employees. For example, many people resort to using non-inclusive terms like “guys” to address a group in the workplace. Although “guys” may seem like an informal, friendly greeting, it’s male-coded and is not inclusive of people of all genders. Another example might be using the Native American term “powwow” to describe a quick meeting at work.

If you catch yourself using non-inclusive language, try apologizing this way:

Read more: Gender-Neutral Terms for the Workplace & Beyond

Say this when you exhibit exclusionary behavior

Unintentionally excluding certain groups from important meetings, social gatherings, or decision-making processes can foster feelings of isolation and hinder diversity and inclusion efforts. For example, consistently leaving out employees of a certain demographic from team events or not providing necessary accommodations for employees with disabilities is exclusionary behavior.

If you displayed exclusionary behavior, apologize like this: 

Read more: Ableism in the Workplace: What It Is & How to Combat It