Language matters. When a society internalizes phrases over time, the attitudes underlying those words become part of the culture.
This is what’s happened with the term “boys will be boys.” It’s become a get-out-of-jail-free card for men’s unacceptable behavior, from young boys at home and in school to college-age adults and men in the workplace.
What does “boys will be boys” mean?
According to the Collins online dictionary, “If you say ‘boys will be boys,’ for example when a group of men are behaving noisily or aggressively, you are suggesting in a light-hearted way that this is typical male behaviour and will never change.”
The problem is that the attitude dismisses accountability for behavior, which may be more than simply noisy or aggressive. It validates male entitlement, often excusing discriminatory and even criminal actions against girls and women.
Read more: We’re Over It: 9 Stigmas in the Workplace That Have to Go—Now
How does the dismissive attitude impact boys?
Diversity and inclusion psychologist Lauran Star tells InHerSight that both “boys will be boys” and “girls will be girls” are statements that provide a foundation of gender-focused unconscious biases and poor behavior. Any time a comment puts someone in a box, she explains, “it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy or a ‘get-out-of-jail-free’ card.”
In addition to providing an excuse for bad behavior, Star adds, the “boys will be boys” perspective is a missed opportunity to see and address an underlying issue.
Read more: Respect in the Workplace: 5 Inclusion-Driven Tactics That Lay the Groundwork
How does it impact men?
By the time boys are men in the workforce, they’ve had years of reinforcement of the “boys will be boys” social construct. It’s no wonder, Star notes, that we have unacceptable behavior in the workplace.
And as we’ve all seen, this reaches the very top. In the University of Cambridge student newspaper Varsity, Helena DG gives the never-to-be-forgotten example of then-presidential candidate Donald Trump demeaning women by saying to "grab 'em by the pussy." What may have been even worse is that “his wife, Melania, justified his behaviour by insisting that his remarks are to be dismissed as ‘boy talk,’ calling on the entrenched rhetoric of ‘boys will be boys,’” she writes.
Read more: 50 Memes for “Raging” Feminists
What the “boys will be boys” attitude says about a company’s culture
We asked career change coach Lisa Lewis Miller what happens when a workplace culture allows a boys’ club mentality. She tells InHerSight that "companies that are permissive of ‘boys will be boys’ as an attitude, excuse, or justification for workplace behaviors are a small step away from victim-blaming and other sexist, biased behaviors.”
This was perfectly demonstrated when a “boys will be boys” culture flourished into criminal sexual and predatory acts at Miramax and The Weinstein Company, both co-owned by Harvey Weinstein. It’s not a one-off, though, with men in politics, finance, and media also finally facing the consequence of their sexist, misogynistic, and abusive behaviors.
For example, the same culture existed at Sony Music Australia for decades until multiple complaints including “allegations of sexual harassment at work events, intimidating behaviour, alcohol abuse and the unfair treatment of women in the workplace” were finally acted on, reports Kelly Burke at The Guardian.
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The behavior allowed by CEO Denis Handlin (who has since been removed by Sony head office in New York) was described as that of a “boys’ club environment,” with employees who wanted to file official complaints discouraged because they’d likely find themselves out of a job. The environment perpetuated itself through corporate hiring practices according to a former Sony employee who said: “They hire young people [who] walk into that culture and think that’s normal because it’s all they’ve ever known.”
Shielding boys and men from consequences of their actions and normalizing aggressive sexual behavior in certain industries (or by the rich, powerful, or famous) glamorizes and allows the violence to continue. Even the way you talk about it makes a difference.
Former chief public affairs officer for the National Sexual Violence Resource Center Kristen Houser put it this way: “When you talk about a culture of ‘bad boy’ behavior and sexual conquests, it sanitizes the prevalence of abusive experiences in the music industry.”
Read more: Employee Resource Groups (ERGs): What They Are & Why They’re Beneficial
Job applicants can protect themselves by seeing beyond the glamor, says Miller. “If you see reviews of a company online—or speak to current employees—and hear even a mention of this kind of bro culture attitude, consider how much grit it would take to try to survive in that kind of environment for weeks on end, much less thrive.”
She counsels job seekers to bypass workplaces like that altogether: “There are so many companies out there that create thoughtful, inclusive cultures that you are probably better off applying to jobs elsewhere.”
Read more: 7 Hidden Ways Companies Can Buy Into Gender Equality Fast
How do we shift our expectations of men?
If boys aren’t taught equality, respect, and empathy when they’re young, they may well become men attracted to environments that allow the “boys will be boys” culture to live. Society has been and can continue to change that behavior and fight those cultural norms by protesting en masse and publicly exposing abuse with actions like the #MeToo movement.
In a 2017 conversation with Vogue Editor-in-Chief Anna Wintour, actor Meryl Streep calls the momentum created by women “absolutely thrilling,... a door that will not be closed. It will be very difficult for people to conduct their lives the way they have in the past. 'Oh that's just locker room talk,' 'Oh that's just the way men are,' no. It's not. We're civilised people, and we learn from our mistakes."
Read more: Why That Feeling of Belonging in the Workplace Is So Important
However, pressure must be exerted by the companies themselves too, as with Sony’s better-late-than-never removal of its Australian CEO. And it’s in the best interest of any organization to do so, because ultimately a toxic company culture “almost certainly guarantees failure,” writes Betsy Blumenthal, senior managing director at advisory firm Kroll Associates.
“Unlike more quantifiable organizational risks—like poor financial performance—bad culture is generally insidious,” Blumenthal explains. “It lies undetected in financial statements and public records, and then reveals itself without warning in the form of sexual harassment, high employee turnover, workplace bullying, illicit sales tactics, and other reputation- and value-destroying behaviors.
“That is why executives and boards of directors charged with ensuring the long-term health of their companies can’t afford to ignore the current—and long overdue—conversation on corporate culture,” she says.
10 examples of "boys will be boys" culture at work
While the phrase "boys will be boys" is often used to excuse certain behaviors, especially in social or workplace settings, it's important to recognize that such behaviors can perpetuate toxic cultures. Here are some example scenarios that embody a "boys will be boys" culture at work:
1. Locker room talk
Male employees engage in inappropriate conversations about their female colleagues' appearances or personal lives, often in communal areas like break rooms or during office gatherings.
2. Exclusive networking events
Male employees organize and attend networking events or outings after work hours, excluding their female colleagues under the guise of "boys' nights out" or "bro bonding."
3. Insensitive jokes and pranks
Male employees make jokes or pull pranks that are sexist, homophobic, or otherwise offensive, dismissing objections with phrases like "lighten up" or "it's just a joke."
4. Ignoring women's voices in meetings
Male colleagues consistently interrupt or talk over their female counterparts in meetings, dismissing their ideas or contributions, which reinforces a culture of male dominance.
5. Gendered assignments or tasks
Certain projects or responsibilities are consistently assigned based on gender stereotypes, with men given more technical or leadership roles while women are relegated to administrative or support tasks.
6. Promotion bias
Men are disproportionately promoted or given opportunities for career advancement compared to equally or more qualified women colleagues, perpetuating a culture of male favoritism.
7. Tolerating sexual harassment
Instances of sexual harassment or inappropriate behavior towards female employees are dismissed or downplayed with statements like "boys will be boys," creating a hostile work environment.
8. Macho competition
Male employees engage in aggressive or competitive behavior to assert dominance, such as overworking, bragging about personal achievements, or engaging in risky behaviors to prove their masculinity.
9. Lack of diversity in leadership
The company's leadership positions are predominantly occupied by men, with little representation from women or other marginalized genders, reinforcing the idea that leadership is inherently male.
10. Dismissal of emotional expression
Male employees are discouraged from expressing vulnerability or emotions other than anger or confidence, perpetuating harmful stereotypes about masculinity and limiting healthy communication in the workplace.
These scenarios highlight how a "boys will be boys" culture can manifest in various forms of discrimination, harassment, and exclusion in the workplace. It's crucial for organizations to actively combat such behaviors and promote a culture of respect, inclusion, and equality for all employees.
