For transgender and gender-expansive employees, those that do not self-identify as male or female, feeling safe and respected in the workplace can help alleviate a considerable amount of emotional and mental stress.
While workplaces are making strides to better support and protect LGBTQ+ and gender-expansive employees, including offering transgender-inclusive health care coverage, specialized mental health care, and other inclusive spaces and policies, these employees still face microaggressions and marginalization. Misgendering is just one example.
What is misgendering?
Whether accidental or intentional, misgendering is the act of referring to someone using words, pronouns, or gender-related terms that don’t align with their gender identity. It can occur if someone uses incorrect pronouns (e.g., referring to a transgender woman as "he" instead of "she") or makes an assumption about a person's gender that doesn't match their self-identified gender (e.g., assuming that a person with long hair, makeup, or certain clothing must identify as a woman).
Over half (54 percent) of transgender and gender-diverse professionals say they’ve been misgendered at work, and almost half (47 percent) say they’ve been told their gender nonconformity is “just a phase.” This type of language is dangerous and triggering, and we all must do the work to educate ourselves and each other about how to stop misgendering.
By understanding the impact of misgendering and implementing strategies for inclusivity, employers and employees can work together to ensure that everyone can bring their authentic selves to the workplace, regardless of their gender identity.
Read more: Marginalized Employees Want You to Talk About Gender Identity & Expression at Work. Here’s How.
How does misgendering occur in the workplace?
While some transgender individuals may identify within the traditional binary scale as either male or female, many other gender-expansive people choose to identify as gender fluid or use other self-identifying terms. For example, nonbinary employees may opt to use “they, them, and theirs” pronouns instead of the gendered “she, her, and hers” or “he, him, and his.”
It’s always important to avoid going into any conversation with assumptions about a person's gender or pronouns. Making small tweaks to our language can go a long way to respect transgender and gender-expansive individuals and promote gender inclusivity.
For example, honorifics—words that imply or express status, politeness, or respect—are still used in the workplace when addressing emails, introducing someone, or meeting a new colleague. Many people use the binary “Miss,” “Mrs.,” Mr.,”or “Ms.” honorifics, but many aren’t aware that there’s another gender-neutral honorific—Mx. (pronounced like “mix”). Merriam-Webster added the term to its dictionary in 2017, and the title is intended "for those who do not identify as being of a particular gender, or for people who simply don't want to be identified by gender." You can also use a person’s first and last name instead of honorifics until you know their pronouns.
It’s imperative that employees be aware of more inclusive types of language and understand why using correct terminology is important.
Whether intentionally or unintentionally, misgendering is hurtful, disrespectful, and invalidating for transgender and gender non-conforming individuals. When employees are consistently misgendered by their colleagues or superiors, it can lead to emotional and psychological distress, including feelings of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. It can also exacerbate gender dysphoria for transgender individuals, as it reinforces a disconnect between their self-identified gender and how others perceive them.
Employees who feel unsupported or disrespected in their gender identity may be less motivated to perform their best and engage in their work, which can negatively impact productivity and morale. Plus, employees may feel like they don't fit in or that they aren’t accepted by their coworkers, which can lead to isolation and disengagement.
It’s an unnecessary added layer of stress for individuals who are already marginalized in the workplace. Transgender people face workplace discrimination at a higher rate, with more than three quarters reporting experiencing some form of discrimination in the workplace. LGBTQ+ employees also report substantial barriers to advancement. Many believe they have to outperform non-LGBTQ+ colleagues to gain recognition and 40 percent of LGBTQ+ women feel they need to provide extra evidence of their competence.
Read more: TERFs & The Dangers of TERFism in the Workplace
What to say if you misgender someone
It's important to use the correct pronouns and gender-affirming language when addressing or referring to someone to show respect for their gender identity and promote inclusivity. As we’re all learning and growing, mistakes will happen. If you use an incorrect pronoun, apologize and correct yourself.
“Correcting any type of harmful language in the workplace takes practice,” says career coach, trainer, and speaker Joe Cardillo. “With misgendering, it’s essential for managers and leaders, especially, to invest in this because they are a model for the organization. In general, a good correction is direct, simple, and centers the person who is impacted, rather than the person making the mistake.”
Cardillo shares two examples of self-correction:
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“Hitting pause for a moment, realizing I used the incorrect pronoun for you, I apologize and will fix that going forward.”
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“That’s good feedback, thank you, it’s important to me to value and respect you, and I will correct that going forward.”
Cardillo also shares two examples of how to step in to correct someone else:
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“Before we move forward, I wanted to mention that I noticed we didn’t use (name)’s pronouns accurately. Let’s make sure to correct that going forward so that we’re treating them with respect.”
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“Pausing for a moment, when we’re referring to colleagues or coworkers, let’s make sure to use language that aligns with how they identify.”
Be sincere in your response, take responsibility for the mistake, and actively work to avoid repeating it. Misgendering can happen to anyone, but it's how you handle the situation and make an effort to respect your colleague's identity that matters most.
What to say if you’ve been misgendered
If you’ve been misgendered by a colleague, address the situation quickly and directly.
Here are a few examples of how you can respond to misgendering:
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"I appreciate your understanding and support. My pronouns are (insert pronouns), and it's important to me that you use them."
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"I know it can take some time to adjust, but it would mean a lot if you could remember to refer to me as (insert pronouns) instead of (incorrect pronouns)."
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"I'm sure you didn't mean to, but you just referred to me using the wrong pronoun. My pronouns are (insert pronouns). Could you please use those?"
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"It's okay if you didn't know, but I use (insert pronouns). I'd be grateful if you could use them when you talk about me."
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"Thank you for acknowledging this. My pronouns are important to me, and I go by (insert pronouns)."
Most times, misgendering is accidental. But it can also be intentional.
Intentionally repeatedly misgendering someone is transphobic, exclusive, and discriminatory. If you feel like you’re being targeted by a colleague, you can first try to have a conversation with them if you’re comfortable. Use "I" statements to emphasize your personal feelings and experiences, saying something like, "When you intentionally use the wrong pronouns, I feel disrespected and invalidated." Request that the misgendering cease and emphasize the importance of mutual respect in the workplace.
If the issue persists or escalates, consider seeking support from human resources (HR) or your manager. You can report the situation, providing details and any evidence, such as documented instances of misgendering, to help management address the problem effectively.
Read more: How to Report Discrimination at Work
What can employers, leaders, managers, and peers do to prevent misgendering?
Fostering a culture of respect and inclusion can help ensure that all employees, regardless of their gender identity, feel valued and respected at work. Employers should take steps to educate employees about gender diversity and establish clear policies and guidelines for addressing gender-related issues. Here’s how.
Promote respectful communication and pronoun usage
Leaders can, and should, encourage employees to include pronouns in their email signatures or on Zoom calls to create an inclusive environment. They should not, however, force all employees to share their identity with their colleagues since doing so might only make gender-expansive people more uncomfortable. The National Institutes of Health (NIH) Sexual & Gender Minority Research Office writes, “mandating all employees to use pronouns may come off as performative allyship, especially if employees are uncertain or unable to articulate why correct pronoun usage is important.”
In HR systems, companies should allow employees to change their names (including in email addresses, business cards, and documents) and hide information about any former names or pronouns. “Another important mistake to avoid is using the word ‘preferred’ or ‘chosen’ in the context of gender pronouns. Using either word suggests that gender identity is a preference or a choice, when it is neither,” writes the NIH.
Use gender-neutral pronouns and examples in company documents
Employee handbooks should use gender neutral pronouns and examples of queer couples in their writing to promote LGBTQ+ and gender-diverse visibility. “It sends the message that as an LGBTQIA+ person, your organization does not want you to hide, and that they are willing to model the use of inclusive language for the whole organization,” says DeVan Hankerson Madrigal, a research manager at the Center for Democracy & Technology. “De-gendering the language of company-wide documents may seem like a small detail but it can be an important signal to LGBTQ team members."
Offer regular educational opportunities and training
Companies should offer regular training on topics of unconscious bias and gender inclusion, and explicitly talk about LGBTQ+ identity. Bringing in external groups and speakers can help ensure the company doesn’t end up relying on its own queer and trans employees to teach their coworkers about their identities.
Some starter topics to cover about gender identity and gender expression can include: What it means to bring your full self to work, what to say if someone comes out to you, and how to be an ally to LGBTQ employees, clients, and the community. Explore more starter topics here.
Be an ally and speak up
Allies play a crucial role in challenging and reducing the stigma surrounding gender diversity. By speaking up, managers and leaders can foster acceptance. For example, if someone makes offensive comments at work, uses the incorrect pronouns for a colleague, or complains about pronoun usage in email signatures, speak up, correct them, and educate them.
Ask questions and learn
Never make assumptions about people based on external factors like their physical appearance, background, speech, or style. Asking questions can help show that instead of assuming, you’re ready to learn.
“The biggest thing is to stay curious,” says gender equity and LGBTQ+ inclusion consultant Heidi Duss. “If we have questions around ‘why do people use they/them pronouns,’ be curious enough to Google it. We have to get to that level of curiosity where people take it on themselves without putting that emotional tax on the person in the marginalized community.”
Read more: LGBTQ-Friendly Companies: 11 Key Contributors to Inclusive Cultures
