Everyone experiences stress occasionally but when it makes an appearance every day, it may be time to examine your daily habits.
One habit that can deeply impact how you feel is the way you talk to yourself. Negative self-talk can make you feel stressed or anxious but positive self-talk can help you feel calm and content. According to an InHerSight survey, 31 percent of women feel less stressed and anxious when engaging in positive self-talk. Positive self-talk statements usually start with “I”, and include constructive language about who you are or what you can do—here are some examples:
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I can attract good career opportunities.
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I am learning new things that will help me grow.
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I trust myself to get this done.
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I am proud of myself for overcoming obstacles.
Positive self-talk can help you combat stress and anxiety that stems from everyday issues or unique stressors that are tied to specific events. Clinical psychologist and midlife women’s career coach Dr. Breese Annable often sees patterns in the stressors women experience. “Burnout from overworking is a huge issue. High-functioning women often take on a lot of responsibility, set very high expectations of themselves, and have a hard time setting boundaries—whether it’s with their time, energy, or emotional labor.” Annable says that another common stressor is doing work that does not align with your values, which could leave you feeling disconnected or unmotivated.
Consider these eight phrases and exercises to help you overcome stress, reduce anxiety, and motivate yourself to push forward, even during tough times.
Positive self-talk phrases
I’m working toward believing I can thrive in my career.
Positive self-talk may be most effective when it feels authentic. “I define positive self-talk as speaking to yourself in a way that feels genuine and aligned with your current experience, while still seeing the potential for growth,” Annable says. “When people think about positive self-talk, they often jump to affirmations. But I’ve found that positive affirmations don’t resonate with most of my clients. They often feel fake or like empty platitudes. As one client put it, ‘I feel like I’m lying to myself.’ Affirmations can fall flat because they deny your current experience and don’t feel authentic.”
Instead, use self-talk phrases that allow you to acknowledge room for growth without punishing yourself for not yet being where you want to be.
It makes sense that I feel [anxious, stressed, overwhelmed] because…
An important part of positive self-talk is acknowledging that your feelings are valid. “It allows you to understand your feelings instead of fighting them. By linking your emotions to your current circumstances, you create space for compassion rather than judgment. When you experience validation, very often it creates a reduction in the painful or difficult emotion you are feeling.”
I already have what it takes to move forward
Implementing self-talk that focuses on what you are capable of right now can motivate you to pursue a new career goal, manage imposter syndrome, and nurture a sense of gratitude.
You can also use a positive phrase like this to redefine what it means to be “qualified” for a job you want, applying with the skills and qualifications you already instead of rejecting yourself.
I can give myself what I need in this moment
This is an example of a positive phrase that gives you agency over your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. You are capable of meeting your own needs and advocating for yourself, so use language that reflects that.
According to Annable, you can also ask yourself a question like ‘What do I need right now?’. “This question helps shift focus from feeling overwhelmed by external demands to identifying practical, immediate ways to support yourself. It encourages you to tune into your needs and take action to address them.”
Positive exercises
Journaling
If you can’t find the right words to say, try writing them down. Capturing your thoughts and feelings in a journal can help you boost your self-awareness, process your feelings, and generate constructive inner dialogue.
You can start with a “free write,” where you jot down your thoughts on any topic or use prompts such as, ‘How did I make myself proud today?’ or ‘What did I do today to get closer to achieving my goals?’
Half smile
If you’re feeling stressed or anxious, you may not feel like smiling. But a ‘half-smile’ could actually help you work toward feeling better.
“The ‘half smile’ is a simple exercise to shift your mood and help calm your nervous system,” asserts Annable. “Relax your face and soften your expression. Gently lift the corners of your mouth into a slight, soft smile. You can pair this with relaxing your jaw, shoulders, and belly. Hold this, breathing easily and gently, for a few minutes. You don’t need to force anything or smile fully—just maintain a calm, neutral face with this soft smile.”
Both her experience using evidence-based mental health practices and her yoga training has informed Annable’s understanding of the relationship between mind and body. “There’s a two-way street between the body and emotions. Just as your emotional state can cause your muscles to tighten, relaxing your muscles can send signals to the brain that it’s safe to calm down. Engaging in the half smile taps into this brain-body connection.”
If doing the half-smile feels awkward, you can try looking at pictures that remind you of happier times or watch a video that lightens your mood to help.
5-4-3-2-1 Grounding technique
Stress and anxiety can make you feel jittery or agitated, making it difficult to be present. Annable offers the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique as a way to restore calmness and regain control, advising that it is especially useful when anxiety becomes overwhelming.
To practice this coping exercise, identify:
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5 things you can see
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4 things you can feel
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3 things you can hear
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2 things you can smell
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1 thing you can taste
The Grounding Technique works by putting your focus back on what you are sensing in the present moment. If it doesn’t work the first time, you can repeat this exercise until you feel calmer.
Physical movement
Whether it’s walking, jogging, or dancing, movement can improve your mood and reduce stress and anxiety. Moving your body outdoors can be even more effective as the fresh air and change of scenery can bolster your efforts to calm yourself and think positively.
Next steps
Once you start implementing positive self-talk phrases and exercises, take a few more steps to integrate these healthy practices into your everyday life.
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Take your time. You are not going to master positive self-talk overnight. Like other tools used to reduce stress and anxiety, positive self-talk is something you can build and improve over time.
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Put action behind words. Engage in trainings, activities, and experiences that match your positive self-talk and help you become the best version of yourself. “In addition to changing your language, it’s important to focus on aligning your actions with the new belief you’re working toward,” says Annable.
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Be kind to yourself. Try to see yourself as someone who deserves to be encouraged and uplifted, even when you make a mistake or fail to meet a goal. “It's not just about the words but the tone of compassion you use,” says Annable. Speak as kindly to yourself as you would a friend or loved one.
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Allow your positive practices to evolve. As your needs change, the phrases and exercises you use will likely change as well. Allow your practices to evolve in a way that feels true to you.
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Take breaks. Stress and anxiety can be amplified by being tuned in to everything at once. Unplug by taking breaks from social and news media, putting your phone on ‘do not disturb’, and reducing screen time before bed for a more restful sleep.
