Whenever anyone asks, What’s your love language? I always respond: “All of them.” Acts of service, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch—they all resonate with me, as long as the person delivering them is genuine.
Authenticity is a bedrock, not only in how we express affection but also in how we show appreciation. This is especially true when it comes to gratitude in the workplace—the topic of InHerSight's polling last week.
Just in time for Thanksgiving, we asked our audience how they show gratitude at work. In addition to some really great ideas (love, love, love the person who leaves cute notes on their coworkers’ desks when they’re OOO), words like “genuine” and its cousin ”sincere” kept popping up in our survey responses:
“Sending genuine notes of appreciation for specific actions others have taken, and for the way they show up (as applicable).”
“Be very specific in what you are grateful for. Generalizations sound insincere.”
“At work, I like to praise people’s work in front of others and express gratitude for their skills. Elsewhere, I give a sincere ‘thank you’ or ‘I appreciate you’ or ‘your help made my load easier.’”
“Positive affirmations. ‘I appreciate you.’ When said with sincerity goes a long way.”
Consider the message received—sincerity is in. But what is it about realness that makes a thank-you thankful?
I think it boils down to that other word running through our survey responses: “specific.” In order to deliver a meaningful message, you have to know exactly what you’re grateful for and how to reciprocate appropriately, which means you need to pay attention.
There’s a reason phrases like “I feel seen” and “To be loved is to be known” gain likes and reposts on social media. Recognition for generic hard work is nice, but it often falls flat (think: office pizza party or a corporate holiday card).
Meanwhile, being valued for who you are and what you bring to the table wraps a cozy, fleece-lined blanket around your heart. And whether that gratitude comes in the form of a shoutout during a meeting for your consistently brilliant ideas or a surprise, and correct, coffee order, it’s in the space of being known that we strike the right tone and build connection.
This is my favorite thank-you example from my career thus far:
Years ago, during my last 1:1 of the year, my boss at the time thanked me for my hard work and asked if I was going home for the holidays. He knew my family home was four hours away. “Make sure you work remotely from now through the New Year,” he said in a time when one remote work day felt like waking up to a snow day in elementary school. “You shouldn’t have to use paid time off to see family over the holidays just because you live far away.”
I didn’t work in an industry known for raises. In fact, I believe my “bonus” that year was a Tervis tumbler. Those things were out of his control. But some acts of gratitude land perfectly and profoundly simply because the giver is genuine and attentive—and that one did. It still does.
